Sorry, Harvard Wins.

Of late, I have been wearing a Harvard sweatshirt almost every day.
It’s turning colder, I’m a runt and I need a sweatshirt. No big deal
and not even worthy of commentary, I would think. I would be wrong.
I get plenty of commentary here, wearing my Harvard sweatshirt in our
little coastal Southern town.

Let me tell you about my Harvard sweatshirt. It has a style and block
lettering from the 1920’s. There is a medium size “H” on the sleeve
as well, And it is the standard “Harvard beet” burgundy. It is one
of my 2 sweaters and I love it.

Every day that I wear this sweatshirt, not really seeking second looks
or attention, I always get questions. And often negative commentary.
It’s not as if I were wearing a mismatched tube top and codpiece.
(Which I only do in Summer.) C’mon Kids, it’s only a Harvard
sweatshirt. Why all the hating?

The basics that I have gathered from other mammals walking the planet
is that wearing a Harvard sweatshirt is “elitist” and “arrogant”.

I am certainly not “Elitist”. I am the first one and perhaps only one
down for a Socialist revolution, either armed or pacifist. I like my
revolutions in both styles “smooth” and “chunky” and by “any means
necessary”, if necessary.

And I am certainly not arrogant, even with my very impressive grade
point ratio over 3.6 from the locally regarded political science
program of the College of Charleston.

I just rather like Harvard. It is a fine school from which many great
minds have come. Off the top of my head and without using “Google”,
lets try John F. Kennedy, Bill Gates, Al Franken and my pal, Kemp for
four.

And not that I’m bragging, this Harvard sweatshirt is totally mine. I
totally paid $2.99 for it at the Kidney Foundation thrift store and
no one can take it from me. I have the receipt and it is mine free of
debt or lien. As are my other dozen or so articles of clothing.

C’mon, what is SO wrong with liking Harvard? Even if you are the last
of the hopeful Socialists. Is it some form of anti-intellectualism? Is this some sort of regional animosity of
the South? I often hear grads from places like Suwanee and Davidson
refer to their Alma maters as the “Harvard of the South”. I try not to
laugh out loud because in all my sojourns to the Boston area as a
comedian or Orphan worker, I have never once heard anyone refer to
Harvard as the “Davidson of the North”.

Why is it that people can proudly wear t-shirts from completely
non-descript and useless places such as East Carolina or Montana State
when I am insulted for Harvard?

I’ve had numerous people ask me if I attended Harvard? And in truth,
I no more attended Harvard than the out of shape rubes wearing Chicago
Bears sweatshirts actually played middle linebacker for the Bears.

Although I never attended Harvard, not even the night school, summer
school or on-line programs (which they have). I do feel rather
connected to the place. My brother in law, Harold, graduated the
Harvard Law School as did my nieces husband, Eric, with whom I am
close. My dearest pal, Kemp, graduated from Harvard’s Kennedy
Business Grad Program and my first girlfriend out of college was a
Harvard grad. So, while I may not have attended the ivy halls of
Harvard, I do feel that I have spent time inside some of their warm
walls. So to speak.

And now that I think of it, none of my Harvard pals. Not even my
comedy writing pals like Pam Norris or Josh Lieb ever wear Harvard
clothing. I guess they can’t stand the heat for their education,
humanity and brilliance but I can.

All this has made me ponder, why exactly do I like Harvard? And all I
can come up with is that I like what Harvard stands for and all that
America offers. Harvard is plus or minus, our best school. Our best
and brightest kids worry about getting into Harvard. They do not
worry about getting into Oklahoma State. Harvard has history.
Harvard has a sense of dignity, hope and planning for the future and
code of decent behavior that I just enjoy. Harvard gets our best
researchers, writers and lecturers. Harvard cares so little about big
time athletics that they refuse any invitations to bowl games. And no
kid is ever turned away from Harvard because of an inability to pay.
Harvard is Harvard. And the rest are just great schools. Sorry.
Harvard wins.

And, one other thing…

When I wear my Harvard sweatshirt, girls treat me better.
I suppose they look at me and figure, “He’s not that good looking but I bet
he’s smart.”. Maybe they think I’m rich. Little do they know, I’m just looking for some company.
And waiting on the Socialist revolution. At which point, I will see
that we keep Harvard up and running.