I’m afraid that we have hit very hard times in the Male-Female human dynamic.

Pornography has gotten so good, I mean “available” that many men feel that they do not need women. And vibrators, I mean “marital aids” have gotten so good that women feel that they do not need men.

Oh, this is a rocky road. This is an impasse. And I do not know what to do.

You see, I have a horrific problem. A problem that is terrifying to discuss. A problem that I do not even like thinking about. But here goes for the sake of journalism, honesty and my goal of personal “transparency”.

My problem is…I really like women. And yet, I seem to drive ALL women that I kiss…insane.

Oh sure, I could take the easy way out and claim that all these women came to me pre-packaged and insane. But I must accept that most likely I am the problem.

But I’m no quitter. And can be quite the problem solver. So, I must go forward because even though I have met probably over 10,000 men in my life, the next man that I want to kiss will be my first.

You see, I really, really do like women. (You can be assured because I used the word “really” twice.)

All of my 4 biological sisters are women. My Mother is a noted woman. My Ex-wife, a noted physician is a woman. And I love and admire all of these women tremendously.

I once joked that I was “looking for a girl like Mom. But there aren’t that many 80 year old Jewish women with 8 kids looking for a guy like me.”

And although I am loathe to compliment myself, I can say that without doubt, the women that know me best, my Sisters, my Mother, my Ex- wife and even my occassional girlfriends all admire me in significant ways. Go right ahead ladies, choose between my intellect, my spirituality, my concern for humanity or my dedication to charity…it’s all there. But somehow I seem to drive every single woman that I kiss insane. The statistics bear me out. Over the years, I am guessing that I have kissed over 20 women and not a single one is still with me today. Because I drove them crazy. Just by being me.

And because of this absolute fact and statistical reality, I am starting to doubt that there is a woman on the planet that I can please enough to ever be her “Husband”.

Just more work for vibrators, I suppose.

But, once again, I am not going to give up that easily.

I didn’t quit when I was just a sperm cell looking for an egg. And I’m not quitting now.

I like the concept of marriage. I like the concept of continually being there for someone until age and death seperate you temporarily. (See that spiritual side kicking in?)

I just know that I can beat those damn vibrators back. Even those dang “butterfly” ones that women keep talking about.

I’m no quitter and that’s why I am not going to give up on the Male-Female dynamic.

Oh sure, I could quit. I have already reproduced once…and with tremendous results. I have a lovely 12 year old son, Gabriel. Better and brighter than I could ever hope to be. He speaks Chinese, is athletic, sincere and funny and girls LOVE him. (Mostly, because he does not care. Why is it that women are attracted to men that care very little about them? Hell, I’ll tackle that quagmire another day.)

But as of today, I have decided to date again.

And I’m not jumping into this without foresight. Rather, this is my attempt to stand up for something bigger than myself…the concept of marriage.

If my brothers and sisters of America can go off to fight in foreign wars for the concept of freedom that why can’t I cook a few dinners, go for a walk or pretend to be interested in beat poetry or “American Idol” for the concept of marriage?

Hell, I’ve even had a few moments of late in which I got the impression that I am not completely repulsive to women. So, damn the torpedoes, damn the dildoes, I am going forward for the sake of a principle, the sake of an institution, the sake of my son seeing…that men and women can work it out.

I believe we CAN get along.

And ladies there is a tremendous up side to dating me, I have a long held pattern of women marrying the next man that they date after me. So, if you’re serious about getting married, you may have to kiss me first. Sorry, but I am here to help.